how do i say this (warning)

i've slipped and fallen. that part is clear. i feel like this past week and the previous three weeks were all a dream,and i have finally woken up. all some kind of alternate reality outside of adam land and now, finishing my 4th week, i am stuck back in adamland. a plsce i don't partiularly liek sometimes. its back to the getting annoyed with people, paterns of thoughts, and just a whoel different outlook.

its going to be impossible to you know give reasons why, and even silly to. i mean, being a sociologist now, and believing in psycology and the universe, its infaintile, the possibilities and reasons, so lets not walk down that yellow brick road, but all i know is that i feel different, something is different, its like i'm back in my apartment this year at the end of the year and i was sick of it.

but i know that teh reasons and the situation don;t matter, it all has to do with my outlook, how i decide to interpret and even use these feelings and thoughts and realities. there is no one way to act, there is no one way to think, there is no one anything (probably).

so what i'm trying to say is that i've got a hard time taking the fish i've caught or been given, and making a damn good fish fry. cause its not really the ingredients that make anything, as much as how you make it.

lets hope i can find my directions. i know i have to make them up and all, but its just going to be writing them down that mater. music is a filler, also, i've found, and to an empty bottomless pit, just like drugs or alcohol. you can't solve it with music. its up to you.